Insights from Studer Group Experts

Being Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable
By: Rich Bluni, RN, Studer Group International Speaker; Author of Inspired Nurse and Inspired Journal

Video Length: 12:01

It's not fun being uncomfortable. Sometimes it's, well...uncomfortable. But what you cannot deny is that, in life, there is no progress, success, or achievement without some level of discomfort. You want to get into shape? You're going to be sore. (Uncomfortable!) You want to succeed in your work? You're going to have to get there early and stay late sometimes. (Uncomfortable!) You want to be the best friend/spouse/parent/nurse/physician/RT/PT/leader/astronaut/pastry chef/underwater demolition expert? You will have to have difficult conversations, take challenging classes, and give up selfish pursuits to achieve those goals. (Uncomfortable!) To be honest and transparent, this is something I personally struggle with and work at every day. But I'm learning that being comfortable with being uncomfortable is necessary to grow.

I have found a few things that seem to work. I want to share those with you as I believe this is an area many of us in (and out of) healthcare struggle with.

Most of us experience discomfort in three areas: trust, communication, and self-assessment. These are very broad areas, to be certain, but ones that I think give you the most bang for your buck. (I recently did a quick 10-minute talk on this subject at the What's Right in Health Care® conference in Chicago. The video of the talk is above. For the purposes of this blog, I will address only trust and communication. I'm going to leave self-assessment for another blog.

Here are some tangible "to-dos":

Trust: We have a difficult time being comfortable with delegating and sharing responsibility. We often fall into the "Never mind…I'll take care of it" mentality. Usually this is because once, a long time ago, you gave up some aspect of a project or assignment to someone else, and they dropped the ball. You were left holding the bag and that felt horrible. It happens. However, this reluctance to ever again trust others with some of the responsibilities you've taken on doesn't usually lead you to success; it usually leads you to burnout.

Here's something to try: Think of one project, duty, or responsibility that you are presently the sole "owner" of. Could be a budget, a group school project, or a charity fundraiser. Reach out to some of your teammates and delegate aspects of the project, or ask your leader to help assign some components to others in order for you to be able to ensure success. Sounds easy, but for many of you fellow control freaks, it makes you uncomfortable just thinking about it. Good. Do it anyway.

Also, for those of you who are leaders (formally, by title, or otherwise), stop allowing people to bring you only problems. Start encouraging people to bring you solutions. You too often are a lifeguard instead of a swimming instructor. Here's what I mean. Every time someone says, "Somebody needs to do something about this!" don't respond like a lifeguard and jump in to save them. Instead, be a swimming instructor and teach them how to swim. Respond with, "I agree, this is a problem (dramatic pause). What do you think should be done about it?" This accomplishes something big. You start to reorient people to solve problems rather than just report problems. You also teach yourself not to rescue, but instead to coach and teach. As bright as you are, you don't have all of the answers. Many on your team have great ideas, but perhaps they lack the initiative, the confidence, or the comfort to speak up. They've been conditioned to just bring it to "the boss" (whether you are a leader with a title or not) and then they hope you will figure it out. Trust enough to let go of some of your "stuff" and to encourage problem solvers, not problem bringers. Coach more than you rescue.

Communication: It can be uncomfortable to communicate. But there are many times that we allow our discomfort with communicating to bring us great unhappiness and stress. I've found that two areas help you to break through this: expressing gratitude and seeking reconciliation.

A lot of people are really uncomfortable with expressing gratitude. There are many reasons/excuses for this. No one did it for them, they don't want other people to feel bad that they didn't get thanked, they weren't "raised that way," they don't want to look like a kiss-up, they're afraid of looking silly. Do this: Think of five people you work with whom you appreciate for any reason. Maybe they always have your back, fill in when staff is short, speak up for their peers, are funny, kind, honest, trustworthy, or bake a great sweet potato pie. If they bring some good stuff to the table, let them know. Do this in a tangible way. I recommend a thank-you note. It is simple, direct, cheap, and people can hold it in their hands, show it to their kids at home, and magnet it up on the fridge. The ROI on this is huge.

The other thing may be the toughest. If you are presently in conflict with anyone, seek reconciliation. So, right now, think of someone with whom you are not getting along. Could be open battle or cold war type of stuff. Seek them out, take a deep breath, and open the door to communicate. First, own your part of it, apologize for whatever you may have done, and simply state that you would like to start over. To be honest, it may or may not result in full reconciliation, but it will help you to push through the discomfort. When you are holding a grudge, it NEVER serves you well. I was once told that holding a grudge is like drinking poison…and expecting the other person to die! It is uncomfortable to look someone in the eye with whom you are unhappy and seek reconciliation. They may not be ready. They may laugh in your face. They may also end up your best friend. Either way, you learn something from it and you grow. It's like being sore from a great workout. It hurts, but you become stronger.

Try these. The feedback I have received has been that, at the least, it is a good start, and at best, it can change your life.

I hope you got something out of this...and I hope you get a little "uncomfortable" soon.

Be well. Stay inspired,

Rich Bluni, RN
Author of Inspired Nurse and Inspired Journal
Studer Group International Speaker